I Hope He Doesn't See Right Through Me

Noxie shrank a little as Zeke got closer, not sure why, but the emotions radiating off of him were so strong, she wasn’t sure she could take it. He stood in front of her, and then, lowered himself to her height. She felt the static of his knees brushing hers and gave a sharp intake of breath, eyes widening as his hand reached for her. It was gentle, warm and smelling of everything Zeke was, that intoxicating scent of leather, fresh soil, and the forest would have been almost overwhelming had it not been so impossibly welcome. She breathed it in, her heart hammering harder in her chest as she did so. The contact of his hand on her drove it faster, and then… then he lifted her face. Zeke had never, ever, forcibly made her look at him before. Sure, there had been that time when he had told her to in the potion store room, and she had, but this time was immensely different.

As silver-grey met deep brown, Noxie felt her entire being flip. Her stomach jolted wildly, and the bubbles that had already been simmering in her chest turned into an absolute full out rolling boil. She had never seen Zeke’s eyes this close up before, and it caused her to gasp. Something within her told her to turn her head away, but her brain sparked as he gazed at her, several of the awkward wires melding themselves together, sorting out just enough for her to do as he asked. ”Don’t look away…” As much as every fiber in her being told her to do just that, Noxie’s stare remained firm, locked upon this fantastic boy’s eyeballs like they were the bearers of life itself. And then, he was speaking.

Zeke’s voice was calm, but his eyes said otherwise. They were raging with so many emotions, it was very difficult to decipher them, especially for someone who was not used to reading people by their faces. It threw Noxie completely off. She wasn’t used to this… It was so… so strange from everything she had ever experienced in her life. Never before had anyone purposely gotten so close to her, just to talk. She wasn’t entirely sure how she should react to it, so she just stayed still, staring up at him, listening.

He found her infuriating? The snake round Noxie’s heart wrapped tighter, squeezing it so hard she felt like she was going to cry, but then it eased, as Zeke kept going. She was so intent on keeping eye contact now, that she didn’t even notice the slight blush working it’s way across his cheeks. Normally she would have, but not right now, not when he was so focused on getting words out, having told her she needed to listen. ”…I’m not interested in being anything less than the most important person in your life…”

Those words sent Noxie’s heart pelting even faster against her ribcage. It had sped up to the point where it was growing uncomfortable. What did he mean by that? Didn’t he already know he was the closest person to her aside from her family? She had thought that had been obvious. She admired him and enjoyed his company so much… She hated being away from him and when he was around… It was the best thing ever. He made every little bit of her body smile.

Noxie felt the pause in Zeke’s words, rather than heard it. There was an obvious hesitation behind them, like he was not all too sure what to say next, or if he should. But then it was coming out, full and there. And it send her entire head reeling, not able to make sense of it. There was so much going on right now, so many things her body was picking up. His hand, his closeness, his eyes, his voice, his scent, and the rate at which air entered and exited his lungs. It was sending her brain into hyper drive already, and she wasn’t sure she could find the brakes.

”But if you want something else… I’m in.”

And then he was tugging her even closer than they already were, and she almost lost it. His face was but mere centimeters from hers. She could taste his breath as it hit her lips, and she paused, licking them, as though in preparation for some unforeseen future occurrence. She lost track of his eyes, his getting so close, that she was actually no longer able to properly align hers into looking at them as she had been. Instead, she just continued to stare ahead, her eyes locking onto the surface of his skin, close to his eyes, but only able to see bits of them now out of her peripheral vision. She could feel her body starting to shake, the amount of input starting to really affect her.

”You don’t get bubbles from your best friend.”

And then, his lips were on her, pressing gently against her cheek in a way that was similar to how he had kissed her forehead only minutes ago. The same raging fire and electricity exploded within Noxie. It took all of her power to not whimper from it, her body starting to shake a lot more obviously now. Tremors ran through her, unable to be helped. There was so much in that simple kiss. So much… Power. Joy. Pain. Tenderness. Heat.

And love.

Noxie sat there as Zeke rose to his feet and mentioned that he was going to wait outside, just out in the corridor. And they could get food after… After… He was giving her time. A few minutes alone to sort through herself. The fact that he was willing to step out of the room and let her just be, to figure out the mess in her head… It was actually quite spectacular and welcome. It was very rare for even her siblings to give her a moment to clear her head, and here was this boy, reading what she needed. It melted her insides and made the bubbles go from boiling to a carbonated beverage that had just been shaken and opened. They floated upwards so fast and so many, they fizzed over, spewing out her eyes as soon as Zeke had stepped out of the room.

The Hufflepuff started rocking, hugging her knees tight, and slamming her back up against the desk behind her. Her head clonked off of it a few times, but she needed it, she needed to move and feel and try to unwind this jumble that was coursing through her entire body now instead of just her brain. She brought her hand to her mouth, biting down as she let out a scream, eyes closing, trying to cope. As she moved faster, the screaming got louder, and golden sparks flew, bright and explosive, from within her even though accidental magic was something usually only expected from children under the age of eleven, those who hadn’t yet learned how to channel it through a wand.

And yet, Noxie’s brain was moving, sorting the best she could, calming as she let out all of the overwhelming sensory input that had driven her nuts. It soothed her, the physical and mental release, even if it hurt. It took about two full minutes of freaking out before she was able to calm herself enough to remove the hand from her mouth and the rocking slowed to just the occasional thump against the desk. And it was then, and only then, that she could properly work at deciphering the meaning behind Zeke’s words.

What exactly had he meant about bubbles not coming from your best friend? That was the one that confused her the most as she was quite used to the happy bubbles and them resulting mostly from being around Zeke, who, obviously, she counted as her best mate. So why would they not be from that? And then there was the fact that he had said they could be best friends, but if she wanted something more… something… else. He had used the word else. That he was in. But, what on earth else was there besides best friends? He’d expressly stated they could never be normal friends… because… Because he wanted to be important to her. The most important aside from her family. And he wanted her to decide what she wanted from him. But… but… What else was there? What could Zeke possibly have meant by all… of…

Realization struck Noxie as suddenly as a bolt of lightening strikes a flag pole. Fast, unpredictable, and shocking to the point where, if you are in the way, your heart is probably going to skip a couple of meets while your feet are stuck to the ground. The banging stopped and the Hufflepuff sat still, her mouth open, eyes wide, breath quickening with something akin to borderline panic. Images of men going in and out of her mother’s bedroom door… sometimes shouting, other times drunk and wobbling, and more often than not, both, flew through Noxie’s mind.

But Zeke wasn’t like that. He was different. He was safe and he was her best friend in the entire world… but he wanted… he had said… It was her decision. And yet, she had no idea what it was. On the one hand, Zeke was amazing. He was kind to her and he played with her. They had had a fantastic time together when they’d gone to Hogsmeade. He had had a snowball fight with her and taken her to his favorite special spot, the beautiful grove upon the hill where they could see things but not be seen. It was probably her fondest memory of being with him, sitting all curled up, safe against his chest as they’d chilled out on the tree branch until he had gotten, er, overwhelmed. He had been there as reassurance in the greenhouse during the thunderstorm, had lent her his jacket when she’d gotten all wet, despite letting her dance in the rain in the first place. He’d laid in the leaves with her… and he had carried her both times she’d needed to get to the hospital wing. He had rescued her from the snow and not told her off when her shoe had landed on his head. Zeke was kind, caring, a bit grumpy at times… And she liked him. Oh god, how she liked him. And he, apparently, if her deductions were correct, liked her. A lot. Though she wasn't sure if it was the same kind she felt for him, she'd never liked anyone in that particular way before... Zeke... It was both astounding and crazy at the same time, if she thought about it. Because, there wasn't actually much about her to like. She was crazy, right? But, he had said he needed crazy...

And yet, she just… She wasn’t ready to make a decision like that. Not when she’d only just received the information. She needed more time to sort it out properly, to sieve out all the lumps and bumps and come to the conclusion of what would be the right course of action. She had spent too many years watching her mother go through men, too many times hearing the bed thump against the wall, keeping her awake at night, and the sometimes awful shouting that occurred in the morning when the man was leaving, just another notch on her mother’s bedpost.

Determined now, Noxie pushed to her feet. She gathered both her robes and Zeke’s jacket, holding them tightly to her chest as she walked, across the room and out the door. She paused, staring at him with his head leaned back against the wall, waiting for her, just as he’d said he would. She reached out one small hand, grabbing hold of his sleeve and gazing up at him. ”I need… Is it okay, if I take some time, to make my decision? And… And we can still find food and play Gobstones and hang out like we usually do in the meantime? Please? I can‘t… I can‘t pick now. But I can‘t not be around you either. I know that‘s probably very selfish of me, but… but… Z, please?” She asked, practically begging. She didn’t know what she would do if he said no. If they couldn’t be together unless she gave him an answer… She figured she might end up back in the hospital after all. Aster would insist on keeping her home some extra time if that happened again. There was also probably no way in hell she would survive it a second time, at least not mentally. Noxie needed Zeke like she needed air.