The Discovery

"Breathe mate." Louis mutters lowly to his cousin. Albus' eyes flicker up to Louis and he nods but he can still barely execute the most basic of maneuvers. His nerves are perhaps worst than ever and his hands are shaking. Someone knows, an outsider knows, his mind repeats. An internal mantra Albus had began as soon as he arrived with his family at Kings Cross and knew he was inevitably going to be seeing him again at school.

Albus Potter had had sex finally, but with a male. Everything about the act was shameful to the Potter, though Louis Weasley, his cousin and closest confidant, felt it was not much to write home about. Bloody hell it wasn't. However Louis wasn't as calm once Albus told him of the awful fuck up he'd made. Albus had written to Louis initially two weeks after Albus had, er, done the do. He hadn't wanted tell anyone, but he felt he needed too, he was freaking out about it. He had sent a letter by accident detailing his very secret sexual encounter to Louis, only it didn't go to Louis. Somehow Albus in all his excitement to finally tell someone mixed up the envelopes and sent it to bloody Maverick Rotburn, his best mate. This seemed plenty reason enough to freak out.

Of course, Albus tended to be freaking out about one thing or another on all days, but this, this was big. Albus had been fighting who he was since he was thirteen and finally put the pieces together. He had gave in after years, to a muggle no less. Not that there was anything wrong with muggles, it just wasn't how Albus had imagined it would go down. The particular Slytherin had assigned himself to a life of unhappy, but peaceful, domesticity. He would marry a witch, stop forcing himself to sleep with her four years in, hopefully have a child or two by then and and retire to a life of celibacy and security. That had been the plan, but that had all crumbled when Andrew, a muggle from down the lane came over and . . . But Albus didn't know he was gay. Okay so maybe Albus did, but he didn't know Andrew had a thing for him. Okay, so maybe he knew that too, but what of it? Albus had just wanted to see what it looked like. To see what it looked like when a boy wanted another boy. Well Albus found out all right, he found out what it felt like, and what it lead to. Merlin, save him. Albus had tasted the forbidden fruit and Gods have mercy, it was sweeter than he could have dreamed. Of course this wasn't the worst part, not only did he learn later that his sister caught him losing his virginity, but while he was busy, well, loosing said virginity, he had wished Andrew was someone else, the very person he was trying to avoid at the moment; Maverick, his Rotburn.

Huddled away in a dark Corner of the Great Hall near Slytherin table, Albus brings a thumb to trembling lips to chew at the nail and wonders when he went back to thinking of Maverick as an outsider. They were best mates after all, and for a period in his life Albus had considered Maverick Rotburn an insider. After all Albus rarely interacted with anyone out his tight social circle consisting solely of cousins, siblings, or mine-as-well-be family. Besides his quidditch team of course. But still he counted them even as outsiders and would quit quidditch before he breathed even a breath of secrets into their ears. Highly paranoid, and generally unapproachable, Albus Potter did not keep many friends. This tended to be the way of people with many secrets, or rather a few particular secrets he kept tightly guarded. However that might as well be shit now.

It was not so much Albus worried Maverick would tell anyone, Albus knew the boy smart enough to not spill truths of one he had trusted with his own secrets, but Albus knew it was likely that he would not speak to Albus. Maverick had never replied to the letter. Even a simple 'are you bent?' would have been well received. Albus would have written back making light of it, he had become good at lying over the summer and could make a joke of it, even continue it at school if his mate wished. There had been no reply though. Maverick was a pureblood and horribly caught up in proper manners to the point of annoyance. Being homosexual didn't really agree with high society standards of morality, nor owling someone details of a homosexual encounter, so how was Albus expected to keep Maverick as a friend? Surely he was disgusted. 

"Get your hands out of your mouth, you're not a kid." Louis says sharply to his cousin, taking the boy's hand away himself. Albus shoots the Ravenclaw a hard look but it is reflected right back in identical dark eyes.

"Louis he knows, God he's never going to look at me the same again, he probably thinks I'm some sort of sexual deviant now!" Albus hissed. Louis' eyebrow rose and a silent question passed between the two. How much did you tell him?

"Everything!" Groaned Albus, clutching his face dramatically."I even made some dirty jokes that I know you would find funny, but Maverick surely would have, ugh!"

"How nasty were the jokes?" Asked Louis calmly.

"Very nasty. Teddy wouldn't even approve." Albus revealed. Louis made a face before catching Albus's stare that had locked on a boy a distance away. Louis knew who it was, he saw Albus with him enough; Maverick.

"Lets go talk to him." Said Louis. Albus blanched making his cousin roll his eyes, "Just tell him you're sorry, you thought it would be funny, but obviously you've offended his 'delicate sensibilities'." Albus refused which only meant Louis must go do it himself. Marching towards his cousin's best mate. Louis calls to Maverick. After a moment of shock Albus runs after his cousin, and slams a hand over the Ravenclaw's mouth just as he is too speak to the Rotburn. Louis peers over Louis' shoulder at Maverick, a blush darkening his cheeks. He had wished to avoid him longer . . . Unable to do anything or even speak, Albus looks away but does not move, instead standing there behind Louis terrified and embarrassed, but too weak to move out of the gaze he'd missed for so long.

Identical cold looks of displeasure come over Albus and Louis' face simultaneously. They both have their grandmother's judgmental dark eyes and unpleased frown. It was not wise of Maverick to speak to Louis that way, the Ravenclaw being as ill tempered as he his. In fact Albus backs up a step, feeling Louis's back muscles tense against his chest and figures he is ready to throw punches as would be his usual style, but none such a thing happens. Louis no matter what his cousin says can tell there are feelings in Albus' heart for Maverick, this wouldn't have mattered as much. Louis cared more for Albus than he did his pride and in doing so knew knocking the lights out of this pure blooded prick would do no good.

"See ya 'round Albus." Louis said darkly, not for an instant taking his glare off Maverick,or even blinking till he was walking away to go find his Gryffindor. Exposed now and without the comfort of his cousin, Albus did not know what to do with himself. He looked down to his feet and shoved his hand in his pockets.

"What do you want to talk to me about, Maverick?" Albus asked cooly. He could feel it slipping into place, the chilly indifference that kept the outsiders at bay, though his cheeks were still pink. He knew what the boy in front of him wanted to talk about. He found the confidence to look at his house mate, or rather down. It didn't seem Maverick had grown as much he himself had, though perhaps still a little. Looking up he could still see the people, were they getting closer? 

"In the bathrooms actually. Talk to me there." Albus said moving passed the pureblood, stalking towards the stalls as he had indicated.

Albus wants to scoff at Maverick's words. What would ever give him the impression the letter was not for him, Albus wonder's sarcastically. Albus crosses his arms, looking away again as his face burns with memories of the letter, and eventually of the things he described themselves. Besides Maverick likely not wanting anything to do with Albus now, the Potter feels one of the most horrid things were the jokes no doubt Maverick read. Maverick was a serious bloke and Albus knew he took things at face value and probably thought his room mate had done all those crude things to Andrew. They had fucked, that was true, but it had been a lot more awkward and painful than either had expected. Well painful for Andrew, not really Albus. 

"I meant it for Louis actually." Albus admitted sheepishly, "So no, it wasn't." Looking at the toe of his sneakers, Albus pulls nervously at a lock of hair, waiting for the moment Maverick will tell him he doesn't want anything more to do with him. Albus knows it's coming, he wouldn't want anything to do with himself either had he gotten that letter. If not for being gay, then definitely for the weird things Albus mentioned.

"I didn't do all of what I said in the letter, just so you know." Albus said, finally looking up. He met Maverick's light eyes and his lip twitched. The silence, the tense atmosphere had become too much. Albus looked around the loo once more, before his vision returned to MAverick.

"We. . . we did it, but that other stuff was just a joke." Albus said lowly, looking away again.

Albus stood, shocked for a second that Maverick didn't get what he meant by 'it'. That was common terminology. However than was less troubling than the fact he seemed to lose his balance. Was he that disgusted with Albus? Perhaps more at the fact that he had to share a bedroom with someone that was gay than anything. Taking a step back, arms that had reached out briefly in caution once Maverick had seemed to stumble, were now crossing back to their original position. Albus was intensely uncomfortable with this conversation.

"What do you think 'it' means when someone puts emphasis on 'it'?" Albus asked in slight disbelief at how naive his fellow Slytherin was being. Was he making fun of Albus? If he was so disgusted it was making him sick and swaying, why would he want Albus to go into more detail?

"It means we had sex." Albus hissed. "I had nasty, wicked gay, butt-sex, are you happy with that answer, was it clear enough?" Groaning, Albus drops his head into his hands and tries to real in his anger. It wouldn't be wise to upset someone who knows this big of a secret.

"I'm sorry Maverick." Albus says quieter, his dark eyes softening as he struggles to remember what he and MAverick were like before the letter.

"I know you probably don't . . . approve of this Maverick, and it's fine if you don't want to be my friend anymore, but please, please." Albus begs, "Don't tell anyone."