Just A Friend

Eveleen's eyes widened slightly as Duane met her gaze with cold, narrowed eyes. No cold wasn't the right word, his eyes were burning but not with affection or lust or any of the other things Eveleen was used to seeing in her boyfriend's eyes. She opened her mouth to ask him what was wrong or if something had happened but the Slytherin pushed between her and Colin, walking away. Worry gripped Eveleen's heart but as well as mild annoyance. She had never seen him act like this but whatever was wrong, there was no need to take it out on her. . . unless she was the reason. But what could Eveleen have done to put him in such a mood.

"Take this back to the tower for me." Eveleen told the younger Ravenclaw beside her, shrugging off her satchel and shoving it into his hands. Eveleen took after Duane still slightly shocked at the look he gave her. Ever since they had known each other, even before they had started dating he had never looked at her like that. She didn't like it, but what was worse than being the target of his menacing gaze, was not knowing the cause of it.

Eveleen could just see the top of Duane's head and he was only getting further away from her, his long legs carrying him far master than her shorter ones. Her quick pace turned into a mix between a jog and a run as she tried to catch up with him.

"Du-Duane?" Asked Eveleen when she finally reached him, slightly out of breath, "What's wrong, did something happen?" 

"You can tell me you know. Anything." She said seriously, half way wondering if it had to do with Mackenna. Duane had been pretty unaffected by his aunt's death, at least it seemed that way from what he showed others and Eveleen wouldn't be surprised if perhaps Mackenna got upset about that. 

"Look at me Duane." Eveleen said with a lightly strained voice, the tightness in her chest increasing.

Eveleen held her tongue, letting Duane speak his piece with out her interrupting though her body was nearly shaking with the need to do so. What he was saying was ridiculous and to be honest rather insulting. Why would he ever think her low enough to do something like that to him, and flirting, that was got Eveleen truly angry, far more than hurt. She had only ever truly, purposefully flirted with one boy and he was standing right in front of her. Colin was a bloody fourth year for Christ's sake! What in God's name would make Duane think she wanted anything to do with a fourteen year old boy, herself being a sixteen year old girl. That hug? He had gotten an 'O' on his potions lab after nearly a month of work. He had been passing that class by the skin of his teeth not so long ago, of course Eveleen was going to hug him for doing so well. He was her friend. Eveleen knew Duane wasn't accustom to keeping close company, but did he think every male friend of Eveleen's, not that she had many, were out to take his place?

Eveleen's dark eyes narrowed dangerously up at Duane. Hurt, confusion, and anger swirled in her depths, taking the place of the warmth that usually greeted him. She was angry alright, absolutely livid at how much of an absolute arse he was being and how little he seemed to care about what she had to say, jumping to conclusions. That in particular stung, the disregard for her, but what hurt the most was that he would think her low enough, as in love with him as she was to cheat on him. She could feel the back of her eyes prickle, this was absolutely frustrating all these feelings but she refused to cry and bit her lip glowering at him.

"Well you're right, you are a daft idiot." She snapped causing a few people to look but she could care less, "But only because you would think I'd choose a bloody fourteen year old boy I tutor over you, you dim thing." She scathed venom working into her voice as her face scrunched up as if in distaste. Eveleen  mustered all her strength and roughly pushed Duane into a classroom who's Professor seemed to be absent. A small group of three to four students lingered though and that just wouldn't due.

"Out!" Eveleen demanded of them, finger pointing to the door. She said it with such conviction, such authority, such anger the group did not hesitate to obey, scampering out only for Eveleen to close the door on them, whipping back around to look at Duane.

"I can't believe you." She said though she had cracked slightly in the presence of only one other and her voice was softer, still angry but not shouting. She sounded hurt, disappointed and pissed off. 

Eveleen stood still and silent suspended between anger and sympathy. Everything he was saying was so completely idiotic and unfounded it hurt just to hear, but at the same time she had seen what his anxiety could do to him and she knew he snapped at people and kept them away because of that low self-esteem and this fear he had that everything for some reason or another was just going to turn to shit eventually. She didn't feel bad for Duane, she sympathized with him. Eveleen didn't have the same illness as Duane anxiety wise but she struggled with her own feelings of self worth, her deepest fear being she was going to amount to just the same as Mary and return to the trash life from which she had come. She also knew the feeling of fear that one day someone important would think she wasn't enough. Like one day Duane would decide Eveleen wasn't worth the trouble with her insistent questions and mothering and realize Eveleen wasn't near as pretty or smart or thin as other girls in school who would love to get their hands on some "dark outsider" to act out all their secret gothic romance fantasies with. 

"That's so irrational." Eveleen muttered as she stared vacantly up at her boyfriend before realizing what she had just said and back tracking.

"God, I'm sorry, that's not what I meant." She sputtered, her shoulders shifting awkwardly under long dark curtains of hair. "I just meant that what you're saying I . . . I don't know how else I can show you how strongly I feel" She explained exasperation working into her voice.

"I mean I understand you have  . . . you have stuff I will never be able to wrap my head around with your nerves but I-" Eveleen paused, her cheeks flushing as she pursed her lips a moment. "-I've let you . . . we've done things I never even thought about doing. Before meeting you I didn't think about boys or snogging or sex or any of that but I do now because of you." Eveleen was beginning to sound frustrated again, her eyes flickering to the wall beside Duane then back to his when she felt her courage return.

"But all these wants, needs, to be close to you it's all from this place of . . . of love for you and only you." Eveleen stopped again sighing her dark eyes searching for Duane's

"You're the first person who I've ever decided I enjoy loving. I don't regret what feel for you like I do with Mary, friends, bad habits," Eveleen furthered her voice quieter now and growing more so the longer she talked, "So I understand when you tell me you feel these things, not because they're true, but because I understand parts of you, but it hurts when you say that. You thinking that I would hurt you. . .it's worse than if you hurt me because it means I must be doing something wrong, why else would it seem like I could ever, even if I wanted to, make any move against you?"

"Duane" Eveleen breathed, questioning in her voice when lips brushed her temple. Hadn't we just been fighting, Eveleen thought to herself before her chin was lifted and familiar lips pressed against hers, moving across the soft surface agonizingly slow. That haziness caused by the resurfacing of primal, instinctive action was beginning to fog Eveleen's mind breaking her resolve not to kiss back rather quickly. Eveleen had been confused as to how things had taken such a quick turn, one moment their was anger, the next frustration, and now this. What else was their to say, a tiny voice in the back of her head told her and Eveleen couldn't argue. She had said her peace and it seemed this was Duane's way of saying he was no longer upset, that he understood. At least she hoped it did.

Eyes that had just recently closed, flew open in surprise as a pair of large hands grabbed her ass and pulled her against their owner's body. Instinctively, in an effort to not make predictably hard contact with the ground, Eveleen's legs wrapped around Duane and the arms around his neck tightened before she was placed on a desk. A fear began to rise in Eveleen as Duane pushed between her legs and it was undoubtedly strange. She had never been scared of Duane, not when he was angry, not when she went with him to the shady shop in knock turn not even on Halloween she had felt him hard for the first time. he was not threatening and he was never greedy. Duane was patient and kind, and even if he was a bit distrusting and icy to those he didn't know well, he had a good heart.

So what was this fear that sat like a stone in her stomach and made her thighs tremble? Eveleen clenched her jaw shut and closed her eyes as Duane showered her with affection, trailing kisses down her neck and moving his hands across her legs. It's been four months you've been together, Eveleen told herself harshly, her stomach feeling like it was folding in on itself. You should have done more than this by now, she reprimanded as guilt built up alongside the fear inside her. She wanted to just  . . . just be normal, to enjoy what was happening but she couldn't. Things felt strange, Duane was nervous and flushed, which was normal, but Eveleen knew him well enough to tell he had a plan in mind. She pulled against him, pressing closer trying to will the familiar comfort she felt being with him out only to find none. Why was this happening, why didn't she want this?

A small whimper escaped Eveleen as Duane tugged down her tights and she squeezed her eyes shut tighter. She opened her mouth to object to this, to tell him she was sorry but she just couldn't, but then he said it. Three sweet words she had never in her life heard from a man,never the less with the connotations Duane had. Eveleen was stunned, not surprised that he loved her but at the power of the words themselves. She could till feel their warmth on her neck as the prickle of tears stung her eyes. He loved her, and he had no reason too. She wasn't his daughter, his family, quite obviously and they hadn't even spent a childhood or anything together. He loved her for the time they were together though, for the memories and the companionship and the way they felt around each other.

"I love you too" 

But the last word of Eveleen's response was broken as she felt Duane's digit's press against through thin material. Arousal burned between her hips at his touch, the sound she had made sitting between them. It disgusted Eveleen since despite having never heard the almost desperate soft pitch from herself, had heard it a dozen times from the other side of the thin walls of her apartment. It was the sound derogation, of a whore, of a woman to obsessed with sex and physical gratification to care rightfully for it's product. Of Mary. 

The tears that had been stinging Eveleen's eyes, a looming threat finally began to fall; Guilt fear and disappointment in herself finally being to much for her. Eveleen wiped at her face and placed the other on Duane's stilling it.

"Please stop." Eveleen said in quiet voice beginning to feel ashamed of herself as well. She took a deep breath and met Duane's eyes with her own.

"We're in a classroom, we're going to get caught." Eveleen told him seriously. It was true, they very well could get caught but that was not the reason Eveleen wanted Duane to stop, needed him to stop. Eveleen didn't want to be like Mary, she didn't want to become a victim for her own sexual desire like every other teenager. She wanted Duane in every sense of the word but. . . she just wasn't ready yet. Eveleen wouldn't be made a fool of and she wouldn't become her mother.